...a message to the dreamers
Let's talk about WHY we transition. There are a million ways to do it, and two million reasons why you shouldn't do it. The prospect of transition can be at once the most terrifying and yet the most appealing thing that someone in your position can imagine. Every transitioner I know without exception, has done it for one reason; freedom. We just wanted to be free of society's expectations. We just wanted to be free of our own fear, of our own secrets. That freedom, by itself would have been worth all of the heartache and heartbreak of transition. Some of us pass readily, some of us don't, but we're all free and most of us fear very little of what life has in store for us. We've kind of already been through the ringer, so what else is there to be scared of? So, think about that for a minute. If it's freedom that you want, then perhaps you don't have to transition to find it. Maybe you do, but if I knew then what I know now, I feel like I could have figured out a way to deal with this without burning my life down. Maybe I'm wrong, and maybe I would do it all over again, but this process has taught me more about myself than I ever wanted to know. I think that people with gender or sexuality issues learn very early to hide and suppress feelings that are literally at the core of who you are. No good can come from that kind of hiding. It distorts us and basically indoctrinates us to look away when it comes to our own feelings. We never allow ourselves to feel anything genuine. Only the feelings that we deem acceptable. A lifetime of this kind of thing can really get in the way of becoming a mentally and emotionally healthy person. When you finally taste a bit of authenticity it has an intoxicating effect. You think the cross dressing is the answer, then later you might think transition is the answer. Consider that maybe freedom is the answer. We talk a lot around here about the "work" of transition and that work actually has nothing to do with transitioning and everything to do with why something so drastic seems so appealing. So you're in a situation where transition would be painful and difficult? Well the snarky me would say join the club, it's called being a damn tranny. But the compassionate me would say relax. Transition would be the LAST thing you would do anyway. Use this situation as an excuse to start digging and find out what would make you free. You can obviously cross dress in a closet but you can't transition in a closet. A gender change is a very public thing and that's what freedom is all about for most of us. Being free to be who we are right out there in the open. Let's assume that you can't do that because of external pressures that are soooo much more difficult to deal with than the rest of us. (lil bit of snark) Cross dressing is not freedom because you're basically hiding your identity the entire time. It's like a costume right? You get to be somebody else and play dress up for awhile. (As an aside, if THAT is what gets you going, then transition is not a good path for you. It's actually exactly the opposite of playing dress up. You won't get to hide anymore) ...but let's also assume that you really don't get a charge out of cross dressing. You really do have GD and it really sucks to live in a man's body. Okay, but you can't transition, ...so ...don't. Make the decision that transition is off the table, and start doing the work to find out how you can be good with that situation. HRT might be an answer, but first you need to get clear on the question. Why do you think it's the answer? Why do you think transition would be better? I think that the very first thing we should all do is come out. Not to work and family perhaps, but at the very least start cultivating friendships with people you can be free with. Start defending gender variant people in your social circles. You don't have to say "hey I'm one of them" but you could say "hey, different strokes dude, live and let live". I suspect that if you spent a couple of years slowly integrating your secrets with your life you will be a LOT happier and if you do end up transitioing, it'll be a hell of a lot easier because you won't be a macho douchebag any more. Basically, transitioning is the nuclear option, and you haven't even begun to fight a ground war yet. Get some boots on the ground and start learning how to be real. The answer will reveal itself when you learn the right question.
DATE OF PUBLISHING
13-AUG-2016
SOURCE LINK
http://www.badtranny.com/bad-tranny/2016/8/13/a-message-to-the-dreamers.html